


to me, you are very precious

by scoups_ahoy



Series: idolverse [2]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Brief mentions of panic attacks, Canon Compliant, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Mentions of Anxiety, New Year's Fluff, more best friends snuggling like boyfriends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-01
Updated: 2020-01-01
Packaged: 2021-02-24 18:40:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22062592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scoups_ahoy/pseuds/scoups_ahoy
Summary: jeonghan and seungcheol have a heart to heart on new years' eve.
Relationships: Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Yoon Jeonghan
Series: idolverse [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1587964
Comments: 7
Kudos: 159





	to me, you are very precious

**Author's Note:**

> so guess who kept seeing videos and pics of seventeen at mbc gayo daejejeon and got in her feels about jeongcheol again?
> 
> this one is a little more angsty than the previous one, as it deals with the anxiety issues seungcheol's been having lately. but i hope the fluff makes up for it!
> 
> again, this isn't beta-read and it's only slightly edited so if there are any mistakes, my bad!

Originally Jeonghan wasn’t going to stay up till midnight. He’s never really been the biggest fan of New Years’; it always kind of seemed like another excuse for people to get drunk and stay up late. And since most of his other members won’t even be at the dorms tonight, spending the last few hours of 2019 in the bathtub and then heading to bed early seemed like an amazing idea.

And then Choi Seungcheol brought out the puppy eyes at about seven p.m.

"Please Hannie, please stay up with me! We can order whatever food you want and we can watch whatever you want…” His sweet face softened even more and Jeonghan knew he was lost; that he had no choice but to agree to whatever Choi Seungcheol asked of him. “I want to ring in the new year with you, Hannie. Please?”

So now here he is, snuggling with Cheol in his own bed (even though it's just the two of them in the dorm and they could take up the entire couch if they wanted), ten or so minutes left in 2019, watching Gayo Daejejeon on MBC. Honestly he never really thought about how many end of year performances there are until he couldn’t participate in them. It feels like he and Seungcheol haven’t seen the members in weeks, and he can only imagine what it’s been like for their families. But at least the eleven of them are together to celebrate the new year and Jeonghan knows they’ll send plenty of videos and pictures to the group chat to make him and Cheol feel included.

There’s a soft “Hannie?” at his shoulder and he looks down to see Seungcheol looking up at him, eyes soft and imploring even in the half darkness. Jeonghan hums in reply and Cheol fiddles with a loose string on Jeonghan’s sweater.

“What do you think the new year will be like?”

If Jeonghan didn’t know Seungcheol better than himself, he wouldn’t be sure how to respond. It’s such an open-ended question with a million different answers - but after spending almost a decade with him, Jeonghan knows exactly what he means. “Cheollie, you’re gonna be okay,” he whispers, sweeping back thick black hair from his forehead. Seungcheol closes his eyes briefly at the touch. “You’re already doing better than you were a couple months ago.”

“I know but I still…” He opens his eyes with a sigh and shifts so that his chin rests on Jeonghan’s shoulder now. “I’m worried. Especially since we head out on tour in a couple weeks and I don’t want to disappoint the fans. Or you guys. I know I already have and - “

“Seungcheol.” He keeps his voice soft but firm, even though emotions threaten his composure because he hates knowing that Seungcheol feels like this. He hates knowing that this is what it’s been like inside his head for who knows how long. He hates knowing that there’s not much he can do to help. “That’s the anxiety talking. What does Dr. Kim say?”

He sighs a bit but nods. “That I shouldn’t give in to the negative thoughts. That they’re not me.” Another sigh escapes his lips and he moves away from Jeonghan’s shoulder, and Jeonghan wants nothing more than to bring him back, to hold him until all the bad thoughts go away. “I can’t help it, Hannie. I’ve missed out on so much since I decided to take a break, and I saw the way you handled leading the kids, I see the way Joshua handles leading the kids. And I just know that any one of you would be better at this than me. I mean - some days I can’t even get out of bed in the morning. I-I just feel so paralyzed and I’m so scared that I’m not enough. That I’ve _never_ been enough. That you, any of you, will wake up soon and realize that you don't need me anymore.”

Jeonghan aches listening to him, knowing that he’s been struggling with this for so long. Knowing that this kind, gentle, sweet man doesn’t think he’s worth it. It’s enough to break his heart. “Can I touch you?” he whispers, remembering what Dr. Kim has said about boundaries. Remembering the one panic attack during which Seungcheol shoved him away, _don’t touch me_ a broken cry on his lips.

Seungcheol nods.

Jeonghan reaches out and gently places his hand on his cheek, thumb immediately stroking over his cheekbone the way he knows Seungcheol likes. His eyes close at the touch and he leans into it, lips brushing against the heel of Jeonghan’s hand. “You are enough, Seungcheol,” he whispers but the words don’t seem adequate. “No, you’re so much more. You’re our backbone. You always have been, since day one, since we were trainees. You’ve always been there, always supported us, always made sure we were healthy or had enough to eat or were sleeping well.” There are tears in Seungcheol’s eyes and a few slip down his cheek. They’re good tears though, happy tears, and Jeonghan wipes them away with his thumb. “We will always need you. _I_ will always need you, Seungcheol.” He leans in to press a kiss to his forehead, and then another when Cheol grips his wrist, keeping him close. “I mean, I got sick maybe a week after taking care of the kids by myself? So yeah, suffice it to say we need you, Cheollie.”

He laughs softly but it comes out sounding kind of choked, no doubt because of the lump in his throat. “You did an amazing job, Hannie, and I’m proud of you.”

Even though the words make him melt - they always do - something about them tugs at his heart. “Do you ever say that to yourself?” He sits back on his haunches, hand still on Cheol’s cheek, and their eyes meet. Somewhere on the other side of the room he can hear music from the TV but he hasn’t really been paying attention to that for awhile. Right now all he cares about is Seungcheol. “You always tell us how much you love us and how proud you are of what we do, but I think it’s something you need to hear from yourself too.”

At first Seungcheol kinda laughs it off, swiping at his eyes. But there’s no humor on his face. Instead his features are drawn taut in the anxiety Jeonghan’s unfortunately so used to seeing there. “Isn’t that kind of conceited?”

“Not if it makes you feel better.”

Seungcheol meets his gaze again and there’s something in his eyes that makes Jeonghan want to protect him from every bad thing ever. It makes him wish Cheol’s anxiety was his own, so maybe then he’d stop hurting. “I… maybe you’re right.”

“I usually am but no one ever seems to believe me.” He grins at his attempt at a joke and it brings a soft smile to Seungcheol’s face as well. _I’ll consider that a win._ Keeping his touch as gentle as possible, he starts stroking along Cheol’s cheekbone again. “Repeat after me, okay?”

“Hannie, this is - “

“Please? For me, Cheollie?”

And just like how Jeonghan can’t refuse the perfect combination of “Hannie” and puppy dog eyes, he knows Seungcheol can’t refuse “Cheollie” in a cute tone. _We really do know each other well._ “All right,” he says around a sigh.

“Thank you, Cheollie.”

There’s an amused scoff but no other complaints.

“Okay, ready?" After Seungcheol nods, Jeonghan begins. "I’m doing a good job.”

“I’m doing a good job.” He’s quiet, a bit too quiet, but it’s a step in the right direction.

“I’m proud of myself.”

Sniffle. “I’m proud of myself.”

“I am loved and supported by so many people.”

The hesitation is clear on his face and Jeonghan leans in for another forehead kiss, his other hand reaching around to stroke through his thick hair. “Say it, Cheollie,” he murmurs.

He does, and when his voice cracks Jeonghan’s there to wipe away a new set of tears, whispering words of comfort against his temple. And when Seungcheol’s calmed down again, Jeonghan murmurs the next set of words in a butterfly kiss brushed on his forehead.

“I love myself.”

Strong, warm arms wrap around his waist. There’s hot breath on Jeonghan’s neck, hot breath that whispers, “I love myself”, and Jeonghan can’t help the smile that touches his lips. “You’re going to be okay, Seungcheol. And 2020 is going to be an amazing year for you. You know why?”

Cheol shakes his head from where he’s buried it in Jeonghan’s neck. And as much as Jeonghan loves this, loves how close they are right now, he knows that Seungcheol needs to look in his eyes when he says this. So he draws back, still holding Cheol’s face in his hands, and he smiles.

“Because you won’t be alone,” he whispers, looking into those big brown eyes and finding only love there. “Because I will be with you every step of the way. So will the other members, and so will the fans. I promise you, Seungcheol.”

He takes a shaky breath and leans his forehead against Jeonghan’s. Neither of them says a word as they pull each other close, wrapped in each other’s arms, each other’s warmth. It’s all Jeonghan needs right now and he hopes it’s the same for Seungcheol.

“I love you.” He whispers it as Cheol’s hands lace together at the small of his back, so impossibly warm through the thick fabric of his sweater. And it’s so comforting, even if Jeonghan isn’t the one that needs that right now.

“I love you too, Hannie. So much.” He leans away for the briefest of seconds to rebury his face in Jeonghan’s neck. And they stay like that, Jeonghan threading his fingers through Cheol’s hair, whispering so softly that he’s not even certain Seungcheol can hear him but it doesn’t seem to matter.

A few moments later there’s shouts of “happy new year!” from the TV and both of their phones start going off, vibrating angrily on the bed. But neither of them really care. Seungcheol clings to him, and Jeonghan just curls his fingers through his hair. What a perfect way to end a rough, busy year and begin a new one: being held by and holding his best friend.

* * *

That morning, the dorms are chaotic as they all gather in the dining room for breakfast. They just had takeout delivered so that no one (Mingyu) would have to cook, and Jeonghan sits between Seungcheol and Joshua at the table, half-listening to the stories from last night passed around at lightning speed and full-volume. He would’ve liked to have been there, to see some of his idol friends and perform with his members again (and Mamamoo, damn it) but as Seungcheol sets his hand on top of Jeonghan’s and starts stroking his skin with his thumb, he’s glad health worries kept him behind. Because Seungcheol needed him last night.

“So anybody got any resolutions?” Soonyoung asks around a mouthful of rice and the members chime in with a myriad of things.

After a few moments Seungcheol clears his throat, probably just for the sake of clearing it, but the action commands attention and the tips of his ears turn red as everyone looks at him. “Uh, I do.” He glances over at Jeonghan, and his hand tenses around his. So Jeonghan gives him what he hopes is a comforting squeeze. A smile touches Cheol’s lips and it turns gummy when he looks back at the members sitting around the table. “I’m gonna try and not be so hard on myself this year. Like speaking up when I’m having a hard time and watching my negative thoughts. Stuff like that.”

Warmth spreads through Jeonghan’s body at his words and he’s _so proud_ of him. And everyone else is too. They erupt into words of praise and support as soon as he finishes speaking and within a couple minutes Seungcheol is blushing madly. Jeonghan laughs quietly and leans in to whisper in his ear.

“See, I told you you weren’t alone.”

Seungcheol makes a face but it lasts maybe half a second before he’s sending a new gummy smile his way. “I love you. And thank you, for everything.”

“Of course, Cheollie.”

Seungcheol squeezes his hand before turning to Seokmin who stole his attention away with a “hyung, you _have_ to see this!”, so Jeonghan just sits quietly and holds his hand while they eat, giving him gentle squeezes from time to time, letting him know that he’s there.

And every time he does, Seungcheol turns and grins at him.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading, and happy new year!!
> 
> follow me on tumblr [@scoups-ahoy](https://scoups-ahoy.tumblr.com/)!!!


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